Real Talk: Perfect Parents Don’t Exist
August 28, 2025
“Back in my day…”
We’ve all heard it, the stories that come after that sentence. The rolling of the eyes that follow. The “uh-huh’s” that get said just so the other person will (hopefully) stop talking.
But what happens when the “back in my day story” hits a parenting cord in our heart? When we hear:
“My child would have had their butt whooped for acting like that.”
“Children were seen and not heard.”
“Kids ate what was served or they didn’t eat at all.”
And so on.
Well, guess what? This is not your parent’s parenting, and it is okay to not be a perfect parent.
Times are different now, and they cannot go back to the way things were when our grandparents or parents were raising children. As parents we are all tired, overstimulated, and have many imperfections….even if we try to hide them.
Some of us are parenting after no role models or breaking generational curses. Some of us are parenting children with different needs and abilities that we have never seen in our families before. Some of us are parenting children who are not “ours” but we love them as if they were anyway.
As parents, we have more pressure on us than ever before. “Keeping up with the Jones’s” used to be your neighbors. Now, thanks to Social Media, it’s the entire world! How exhausting is that?!? We are comparing ourselves to others and going to bed each night hoping that we are doing something right. We are setting unrealistic expectations on ourselves as parents because of everything we see and hear.
“Your child should be eating organic, real food.”
“Your child should not throw tantrums in public.”
“Your child should be toilet trained by now.”
“Your child should go to the school dance or they will regret it.”
What they don’t know is:
The child who will only eat certain foods has sensory food aversion.
The child struggling with tantrums is on the spectrum and that is the way they express themselves.
The child who is not toilet trained has intellectual disabilities.
The child who does not want to go to the school dance has social anxiety.
When we are constantly told how we should parent by family, friends, and social media, it is no wonder we are spiraling in our minds on how to be the “perfect” parent! So, what can we do? Normalize imperfections.
Let the world know that it is okay to not be a so-called “perfect” parent or raise a so-called “perfect” child. Highlight the growth in your child. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for flexibility. Teach that imperfections connect us and make us relatable and human.
Remember to protect your mental health too. Engaging with your child without constantly comparing yourself or them to others has many mental health benefits! You may feel more joy and less stress and guilt; it also may improve your patience and build your resilience. Engage instead of comparing and you may find yourself more at peace on your parenting journey.
Lastly, reach out to your people! You know who they are. Maybe it is your one friend who always takes your call. Or your neighbor who helps keep an eye on your teen when they are playing in the neighborhood. It takes a village to raise a child, so lean on yours!
Keep in mind: Parenting is one of the most beautiful, exhausting, and emotionally complicated things a person can do- and no one has it all together.
Written by: The Birth to Five Illinois: Region 44 (McHenry County) Team, Action Council, and Family Council.
Contact us at www.birthtofiveil.com/region44 to share your experience.